It may surprise some, as it surprised me, that many people do not acknowledge how absolutely necessary it is for their own souls, that they adopt a spiritual posture of forgiveness towards ALL. Instead, “An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth”…if you think about it, this is the underlying principle that actually does govern most relationships. A majority of us “respond” in relationships. Our equation with each other is just a response to how we are treated by them.Everyone fears being “taken for granted”. When a relationship comes with expectations, there is bound to be hurt. Its a simple fact that – NO human can meet all our emotional expectations.

I believe, -people are inherently good. But due to the play of various forces and factors , situations,circumstances, unfulfilled expectations and misunderstandings being the most common of them all, in a relationship, sometimes ,one person tends to get hurt. So the problem of unforgiveness will often begin when one party is simply put- deeply hurt. The offender may or may not even realize that he has caused pain. The wound is left open and unattended, it only festers, going deeper and deeper, spreading slowly but surely and the hurt feelings take root deeply and now branch out in different forms like SELF PITY which soon develops into a host of other negative emotions like ANGER, COLD INDIFFERENCE, ALOOFNESS , HARDENING OF THE HEART, BITTERNESS, RESENTMENT and finally culminating into deep HATRED and UNFORGIVENESS. When this happens, the negative energy of unforgiveness binds the aggrieved person. What started out as a hurt turns into a spiritual bondage. Life soon turns into a prison and his own attitude attracts negativity into his life.

Often at this stage , a person may not even realize he needs to forgive X. Worse still, he may not want to forgive. He will either deny the fact that he harbors resentment in his heart or he may even honestly believe that he is justified in feeling so. He may not actually plot evil and cause harm to his offender but he may wallow in a self pitying spirit and this will taint his vision with a negative, suspicious outlook towards the person in particular and later towards life in general and all .

He has taken the bait and is now a prisoner to his own negative thoughts and emotions. He will encounter hurdles, blocks, dissatisfaction; nothing seems to go right in his life.He will keep attracting negativity in his life …And he doesn’t know why!

Unforgiveness, is not only a state of unwillingness to forgive but it’s also a state when a person is unable to forgive. Often , he may not be aware that what he is harboring is not only hurt, but hurt festered into unforgiveness.

I myself have struggled with this for many years. I actually “struggled” with this negative emotion. I felt helpless, but I realised one day that to forgive is to simply to “decide ” to forgive. I exercised my free will and during every prayer time I asked the Lord for this grace – To forgive X ….I prayed for this person and for myself. One day I realized, I cud understand and love this person. I was free and light and happy. More than that I could feel joy in my prayer time. I could feel the presence of God. And doors started opening for me. I was free!!

Most of the times we are controlled by our emotions. There is no right and wrong where feelings go. And more often one can find themselves trapped in a pit , led there by their own reckless, free falling emotions.

Man is an emotional being . We live in society and are in the course of our interactions someone is bound to get hurt. Its upto us how we respond to our feelings . Do we dwell on them and take them INTO our heart or do we let them come and GO ?

Proverbs 4:23

New International Version – “Above all , guard your heart ,for everything you do flows from it.”

RSV version – “Keep your heart with all vigilance ,for from it flow the springs of life”

Victorious living is , conscious living by faith and obedience to the word of God. The greatest secrets of life are hidden in the Bible.
The Lord’s Prayer:

Our Father, Who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name; Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread; and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us; and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen.

Psalm 119:165

“Great peace have those who love your law ;Nothing can make them stumble”




One thought on “Unforgiveness…

  1. Sabrina Gomes

    Hey Jen…this is so beautifully written. In fact it resonates with what I have gone through in the past 2 months. I am going try my best to absorb this message. Thank you


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